What if  English version
by HRL
Summary: Post 6x22 - What if Cuddy showed up too late at House's appartment ? Sometimes, it's just a matter of a few minutes.
1. I don't love you

I wrote this little fiction last June but the idea came when I saw the promo of "Help me" in May. I surely didn't expected the season to end that well for House and Cuddy so here's my take on what I thought would happen.

Before letting you read, you have to know that I'm french so there probably will be some mistakes – hopefully not too much – so I would really appreciate if someone could beta-read me. Plus, it is a translation of the french version I wrote last year so some sentences might look akward, sorry for that.

**Disclamer :** I asked Santa to give me the rights on House and all his little friends but once again, he forgot me. So I'm just gonna keep crying in my bedroom and writing stupid things. No copyright infringement intended.

_I hope you will enjoy my little story ! =)_

* * *

**First part : _« I don't love you »_**

She was driving. Maybe she was driving too fast but it felt like she wouldn't bear to spend anymore time away from him. As she just left the man who helped and loved her these past months, while she was literally living for someone else without admitting it, she wondered how she could have fooled herself for such a long time. She wondered how she managed to look at herself in the mirror every morning.

_« I don't love you. »_ When the words came out of her mouth, she swallowed hard. And the shadow in his eyes at this moment hurt her. She could see the pain on his face, even if she knew he was trying to hide it. She could see that he stopped hoping. How could he believe such a thing? Even she knew, when she pronounced them, that her words were nothing else but lies. So how come, him, who could detect lies better than anybody else, didn't see that she didn't thought what she said ? How couldn't he notice, when he was the one who knew her best in the world?

She had a bad feeling since Foreman announced her Hannah's death. He had also told her that when House left, he seemed really upset. But she already knew that. Tonight, he gave everything he has to save Hannah, he admitted things he had been hiding for years and she, one of the person he loved the most, had rejected him. Knowing that the patient for who he'd done everything he could had died must have really hurt him.

Barely realizing what she was doing, she ran to her car to go see him.

Finally, she was in his street. Parking on the pavement, she glanced at the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were reddened by tears and guilt and her hair was a mess, hardly held by an elastic.

Her eyes fell on her hands, where she could see blood. His blood. The blood coming from the shoulder's wound she had took care of earlier.

The sight of the blood took her away from her thought and she started to panic again. She burst out of her car, praying that he hadn't done anything stupid.

She knocked at his door. No answer. She took a deep breath, trying to stay calm. She was expecting it; he probably wouldn't want to see anybody. She took the spare key she had and came in, looking for him.

A low light in the bathroom and a mass on the floor caught her attention. A mass on the floor. _His body_. She rushed to him.

« - House. »

He grumbled. He was still conscious. She checked his pulse and noticed that it was abnormally slow. He seemed to have trouble breathing.

She glanced around her. The mirror which used to be above the sink was now broken in pieces in the bathtub. Seven years of misery, she thought, as if he needed that. Then, she spotted a little orange object in the hand of the diagnostician. Reluctant, she slowly opened his fingers and discovered, as she feared, the bottle of Vicodin. Almost empty. How many did he take ?

She shivered.

She kneeled next to him, taking his hand as if it was a life preserver, hoping that the pressure of her hand would be enough to keep him awake.

She grabbed her cell phone.

« - Wilson ? » she said with a trembling voice when the oncologist picked up.

« - Cuddy ? Is everything okay? » he asked in a worried tone.

House's breathing became more and more uneven and she literally panicked.

« - Wilson… I… House ! I came to see House ! We have to call 911, he's having a Vicodin overdose! I'm so sorry Wilson, I…" She burst into tears.

« - Cuddy, calm down! » he said in a tone which wasn't calm at all. "I'll be there with an ambulance as soon as I can!"

He hung up. She dropped her cell phone and turned to House, caressing his rough cheek with the tip of her fingers.

« - House, don't close your eyes… » she muttered, begging.

She could see him blink but his eyes were still open. He was still there, with her.

Trying not to be overwhelmed by the situation, she let her medical reflexes take the panic over. To ease his breathing, she opened his jacket and took the belt off his jeans.

« Come on ! You're not gonna say aything about the fact that I'm taking off your clothes ? I thought you've been waiting for that moment for a long time !" She tried, hoping to make him react. Nothing.

His eyes were closing and the pressure on her hand was getting weaker. She could feel that he was letting go.

« -House ! Stay with me ! » The fear was overwhelming. His pulse was way too slow and his eyes were almost closed. She could feel that he was giving up. In spite of her pleas, the way she was holding him and the kisses she trailed along his jaw, she was losing him.

« I love you. » she whispered.

_30 minutes earlier. _

« I don't love you. » He could still hear her voice. And the pain that he was feeling in his heart didn't leave him since she pronounced those words in a cold voice, chasing the last hopes he had about them.

But she was right. He had nothing. Nothing. His whole life was a failure, a disappointment. Even his father saw it coming, and that's why he had been so hard on him. He was already disappointing him back then. He disappointed his mother when he got kicked out of the med school in Michigan, but she forgave him when he became a famous diagnostician. He had disappointed Wilson several times, especially when he had been responsible for his girlfriend's death, even if Wilson didn't blame him.

And Cuddy. He disappointed her several times too, when he had been too proud to admit his feeling for her while she had been ready to have a relationship with him, one year before. He couldn't blame her for the fact that she moved on. He couldn't blame her for succeeding where he failed.

He was in pain. His leg was really killing him since he stopped Vicodin, his shoulder still hurt after the crane collapsed, and his heart, this little thing which was beating inside of him, and which he tried to reckon only as a vital organ since Stacy left, which has been hurting for a few months.

Stacy. He thought he was going through hell when he had his infarction and when she left him. She had decided for him, against his will, but she was also leaving. He felt betrayed, left alone.

But today, he was realizing that the pain he felt when she left was nothing compared to the pain caused by Cuddy's rejection.

What he has been trying to prevent for years was finally happening. His feelings had overcome his mind.

He had made efforts. Spent weeks in a psychiatric hospital. Stopped the Vicodin. He had even opened himself a little, talking to Nolan, trying to talk with her. But it was too late. "I am moving on, Wilson is moving on…"

So much effort for nothing. It was too late. He had lost her.

He looked at the pills in his hand and felt like a wave of well-being was coming over him. Vicodin. His best friend. His worst enemy. The one who had locked him, little by little, into a world of pure and simple madness. The one who, by staying by his side, had taken away him from the others But now, when anyone else had left, it was still there. It was the only thing he could rely on. Then, he returned the hand to his mouth and made this gesture which had become an automatism after so many years. He swallowed two pills. After a few minutes, the pain weakened, he was less suffering. He opened the bottle for the second time. After all, now, he had nothing more to lose. He just wanted the pain to leave. He took several other pills.

A wave of well-being broke out once again while the bathroom around him was becoming more and more blurry.

He could hear her. She was there, in the living-room, calling him. She was looking for him. Probably to finish him off, he thought.

« - House. » She was talking to him. He liked the way she pronounced his name. Screaming it in the hospital's lobby, in a reproachful tone when he was saying something stupid, or like tonight, in a tone he couldn't identify.

He wanted to answer, ask her to keep talking, to pronounce his name one last time to erase the memory of her previous words. But he couldn't.

He felt her hand holding his, and a soft caress on his cheek. Soft words, she was begging. Everything seemed so unreal. It must be.

Maybe it was a hallucination? He didn't have a clue. And he didn't really care. He wasn't in pain anymore; he wasn't feeling anything at all. He was in a sort of thick smog, floating above the floor. He was flying. So he closed his eyes and let go.

Right after Cuddy's call, Wilson, who was still at the hospital, had warned Foreman who helped him finding ER to go to House's apartment. He was literally scared to death by what he was going to find out and he could see that Foreman, who was sitting next to him, didn't seem reassured either.

After a certain amount of time, they finally were at the diagnostician's door, which was still open. But just when they were about to enter House's apartment, they heard Cuddy's terrified scream fill the air.

« HOUSE ! »

**_End of the first part._**

**

* * *

**

_So ? Should I stop translating and hide myself ? Reviews please !_


	2. Guilt

_Sorry guys, I've been very busy the last two weeks, a lot of exams going on ! And I really failed some of them so I wasn't really in the mood. But I have two days off so I'm back with this translation. I still have a few exams next week (wish me luck!) but hopefully, I'll post the third –and last- chapter next weekend !_

_Thank you so SO much, all of you, for your awesome reviews ! All your nice words really mean a lot to me ! I'm glad you like this story and I'm also glad my English isn't too bad. But still, I'm looking for someone to betaread me ! So, sorry again for the mistakes !_

_I hope you'll like the second chapter as much as the first one ! =)_

_

* * *

_

**Second part : _Guilt_**

Once again, she was standing by him. Holding his hand. It almost became an habit: he was almost dying, and she was there, to hold his hand and look after him, waiting for him to wake up in order to yell at him because he had done something stupid.

But this time, she knew it was going to be different. If he woke up. No, she wasn't going to talk about him like that. He HAD to wake up, she needed him.

She looked at Wilson, who was standing at the other side of the bed. He didn't ask anything yet, too stunned to see his best friend once again lying in a hospital bed.

But she knew he had doubts. He knew them, she and House, too well. He must knew that, if she was here, crying for him after all the months she spent denying her love for him, it was because something had happened, something had changed.

« - We've found an abnormally high rate of Vicodin in his blood, which caused his heart to dangerously slow down but no cardiac arrest. He also went into respiratory failure so we had to intubate him. He is now in a deep coma but he is stable." stated Chase in a calm, but still worried tone.

This statement was not indispensable, they already knew as they were doctors too. Nevertheless, it reassured them. He was treated like any other patient. They exactly knew the causes of all his symptoms. This wasn't a complicated diagnostic that he would have been the only one to resolve. It would be easier to take care of him.

« His alcohol consumption has been really important in the last few days and mixed with Ibuprofen, then Vicodin, we can see that it partially damaged his liver. However, nothing irreversible. We are taking care of his hepatitis and then, we'll have to wait for him to wake up to look for any brain damages."

Waiting for him to wake up. Chase was also talking about this like a sure thing. Cuddy sighed, relieved. She wasn't the only one to believe in him.

She had been so scared. When he closed his eyes and let go of her hand, his pulse was so slow that she believed for a minute that his heart had stopped. She had screamed his name in a desperate move to wake him up but she could see it wasn't working. She felt like she was going to suffocate. At this moment, Wilson, Foreman and the paramedics had entered in the bathroom, alerted by her scream.

**_Flash Back _**

She was holding him, shaking his body in a desperate move to make him regain consciousness but it became hard for her to breathe when she realized that all her efforts were useless. Wilson had taken her away from the body. She had burst into tears in his arms while Foreman and the paramedics were placing House on a stretcher.

All along the way from House's apartment to the hospital, she's been sitting in the ambulance, next to Wilson who, even if he was worried, was trying to reassure her with soothing words while she was too busy listening to the noise of the electrocardiogram which echoed the beatings of the diagnostician's heart.

She hung on to this noise as if her life depended on it. He had been close to death so many times. And several times by his own will : the knife in the plug or all the risks he had taken for Amber had been made consciously.

But today, she knew that his move wasn't due to his insatiable curiosity, that it wouldn't bring any answer to him. It was just the desperate move of a man who was suffering. Who was suffering enough to swallow a lethal dose of pills. Who was suffering because of her.

She was so hurt. It felt like she was going to throw up. She was never going to forgive herself for the pain she had caused him that night. In spite of everything he did to her, all the soft spot he tried to touch, he never went this far. As far as she did. Far enough to make her want to kill herself.

**_End of the Flash Back_**

Even if he had very little chances to wake up this night, Cuddy, Wilson and some of House's team members couldn't help staying close to his room.

While Cuddy had left the room to go get herself a coffee, Foreman and Wilson were chatting, remembering all the night's events.

- « I've never seen her lose control like that. House has had more than one near-death experience, yet, it's the first time I see her so desperate." Foreman said to Wilson without quoting any name but the oncologist knew who he was talking about.

- « Because this time, it's my fault," said Cuddy, entering the room.

- « Dr Cuddy, it's not your fault. He was really upset when he left the hospital. I talked to him and I swear I've never seen him like that. I shouldn't have let him go. » Foreman said, lowering his head.

- Stop blaming yourselves, both of you ! Believe me, I also feel bad because I wasn't there for him, but we can't constantly keep an eye on him, he's…" Wilson tried to reassure them.

- « I know. I wasn't talking about this. » Cuddy said.

Both men stared at her, surprised. Seeing that they didn't know what she was talking about, she started again :

- « Last night, on the spot of the accident in Trenton, we had a fight. I told him that I was engaged to Lucas and he got very angry against me. He took the patient's side and I thought he was using her to get back at me but he was really involved with her. He stayed with her, reassured her, tried everything to save her… And I only made things worse shouting that I didn't love him and that he had nothing in his life. »

She couldn't go on. She knew that the words she said were awful, but hearing them a second time out of her mouth made her feel even guiltier. Tears were coming again at the corner of her eyes. Seeing that they needed some time to chat, Foreman left the room, leaving Wilson and Cuddy alone with House.

Wilson was little by little processing the new information provided by Cuddy. All of a sudden, he understood better House's move. Until then, he had wondered how a patient's death and the pain in his leg had been enough to bring him down, to make him take back some Vicodin after being clean for a year. Because even House he was still an arrogant bastard, Wilson knew that he was making efforts. And he knew for who he was doing it. Hearing the only woman he love and admire tell him that his feeling weren't shared must have hurt him a lot. But Wilson also knew that, in spite of everything she could say, Cuddy was in love with House.

When she saw that he wasn't answering and the he seemed lost in his thoughts, Cuddy started to speak again :

- « I feel so bad James, I never thought it would hurt him like that and… »

- « I know Lisa. He's fragile, you know it as well as I do, even if he denies it all the time. And he loves you, I know it too. Yes, he doesn't show it and I know that you tried to protect what you had with Lucas but I hope that tonight's events opened your eyes on the efforts he's made and on your feelings. »

- « I broke up with Lucas. » she said after a silence.

When she was Wilson's surprised look, she continued :

- « When House left in the ambulance with his patient, I saw his look and I understood that he was giving up on us. It made me realize that I didn't want him to take himself away from me. I wanted him to keep fighting for me. I came back to the hospital and Lucas was waiting for me. He was there, in front of me, waiting for me with his reassuring smile and I realized that the only one I wanted to see was House. So I apologized, I broke up with him and ran to House apartment to tell him that I was tired of fighting. That I wanted to stop hiding my feelings for him." She explained, tears filling her eyes.

- « I see. Well, you'll just have to tell him everything when he'll wake up, » answered Wilson, hugging his friend with a smile.

House had been in a coma for two weeks. Two long weeks. He had beaten his personal record which was only a few days of unconsciousness. Lisa Cuddy had been waiting next two his bed for these two weeks. She had sent Rachel to her mother and even if she felt guilty about it, she knew it was for the best because she wouldn't be able to take care of her at the moment. Sometimes relieved by Wilson, she spent her days and her nights at the hospital, occasionally forcing herself to work and only going home to change clothes.

Two weeks. The oncologist decided that it had been lasting for too long.

- Lisa, you are going to get out of this room right now ! He said, trying to sound self-confident.

Lisa woke up from the catatonia she had recently been locking herself into and raised an eyebrow, looking at her friend, however not making the effort to answer him. He continued :

- « Go home, take a bath, eat a real meal and sleep in a real bed. Your presence here 24/7 is unnecessary."

- « But I… »

- "I'm staying, just tonight. And I promise to call you if anything change. But your seriously need to get away from that room, at least a few hours."

Seeing that Wilson seemed determined, Cuddy nodded. After all, a good night of sleep, even she would need to take sleeping pills, would be good for her. She took advantage of the fact that Wilson was too busy changing the TV channels to lie down and kiss House at the corner of his lips, lingering a few seconds on his rough cheek. She said goodbye to Wilson and got out of the room, avoiding the looks of the nurses who were full of pity when she went through the hospital lobby.

The next day, she woke up more rested that she had been in the past days. She turned to the alarm clock to see the time and jumped up when she saw it was already noon. She had slept 14 hours straight ! This forced rest had definitively been a good thing. Even mentally, she was starting to feel better.

Before going back to the hospital, she decided to take care of herself a little. She kept putting her hair in a tail and wearing old jeans since she's been watching House, but she decided that he was time for the curly hair, make-up, cleavages and tight skirts to come back.

She opened the doors of the Princeton Plainsboro with determination, her stilettos hitting the floor. This old habit gave her the impression that House was going to appear and ask her permission for crazy operation. However, she came back to reality when she realized how silent the hall was, wondering why were the nurses looking at her with such a sorry look.

With less insurance, she finally penetrated in House's room. Wilson was still on his side but he looked exhausted and even more worried than usual. Understanding that something was wrong she took the chart at the end of the bed before letting the oncologist the time to speak. She looked through the papers, seeing that his vitals had regularly been verified and that everything seemed normal. Well, almost normal.

- « A cardiac arrest ? » She cried out, glaring at the oncologist.

At this moment, Wilson would have done anything to run away and hide himself. He didn't want to witness his boss' anger but he knew that she wasn't going to let him escape that easily.

- « Everything is okay, Lisa. His heart started to beat again really quickly and… » started Wilson in a soothing voice.

- « Everything's _okay _? Are you kidding me ? Dammit Wilson, a cardiac arrest, it's not nothing ! And even if it had lasted less than a second, which I really doubt, you were supposed to call me at the slightest change ! » Cuddy screamed, angry.

- « I know, but you just left and I knew that if I called you, you wouldn't have left his room but you really needed to sleep… » Wilson tried to apologize.

- « I DON'T CARE ! » she replied automatically. « What if his heart didn't beat back, would you have also waited ? Would you have called me to tell me the time of death or would you have rather liked to wait for me to come here ? »

- « Cuddy, stop ! You're being irrational, you… »

Just when the Dean was about to scream at Wilson again, a little voice that they both knew only too well interrupted them.

- "Mommy, Daddy, please, stop yelling! »

They both cast a surprised glance over the bed they had been watching the last days. Gregory House had just woken up.

**_End of the second part_**

* * *

_What did you think about this one ? :) _


	3. Now what ?

**Hey there !**

I'm so sorry for the delay, but my exams were harder that I thought, the second semester began and I have been quite overwhelmed by the events. But here is the last chapter that you've all been waiting for ! I hope you aren't gonna be disappointed !

Once again, thank you all for your reviews, it's awesome to read that so many people like my story ! You rock !

You guys have all been soooo nice to me that I'm thinking about translating at least another of my stories – if you are interested – probably a OS this time because it's shorter lol.

I also wanted to thank my beta, **Winnywriter**, who corrected this chapter (really quickly by the way !) so that it is now more pleasant for you guys to read without my French mistakes !

_Enjoy ! =)_

**_

* * *

_**

**_Third part – Now what ?_**

Once he came out of his initial state of shock, Wilson rushed beside the diagnostician. He gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder, knowing that he wouldn't appreciate any burst of tenderness. Then he started to check his mental state :

« Do you remember who you are ? »

The diagnostician answered in a hoarse but cheerful voice :

- « Gregory House, the great and famous diagnostician of the Princeton Plainsboro Teaching Hospital, whose bright blue eyes and irresistible big cane make women melt and… » He wanted to continue, but Wilson interrupted him.

- « Okay, okay, got it. You seem fine. Do you know today's date ? »

- « Somewhere in May 2010, I guess my coma lasted a few days…"

- « In fact, it's already June the 2nd. Your coma lasted two weeks," Wilson said in a very calm tone. "Do you remember what happened ?" he asked, hesitantly.

- « I took a few more pills than usual ? »

- « A few ? » Cuddy blurted out.

She hadn't moved since the beginning. She was too stunned to see him talk and move, so alive. She had spent the last two weeks worrying about him, afraid that he wasn't going to wake up. She hesitated, caught between the desire to throw herself into his arms and tell him she loved him and the desire to scream at him for being such a jackass who, once again, had almost killed himself. When she heard his words, the anger took control of her body, but when she remembered that she was somewhat guilty for him being in a hospital bed in the first place, she calmed down.

- « I… I'm glad you woke up House. »

As she couldn't bear to hold his gaze, and she immediately turned back and ran out of the room.

- "Wow, she sure does look angry !" House said, sounding surprised.

- « You've got to admit that once again, you really did something stupid. We were all scared." answered Wilson.

- « I know you worry about me and that you couldn't live without me, little Jimmy, » said House, making fun of his best friend, as usual. Even though he was acting like he was okay, he said in a darker tone : "But don't tell me that Mrs. Almost-Douglas Dean of Medicine cares."

A few seconds earlier, he had felt quite good, lost in the fog of unconsciousness, but now, he was really angry. He was angry with this psychological pain that all the medicine in the world couldn't heal, this pain which had reappeared as soon as Cuddy had yelled at him, reminding him of when she'd said "I don't love you" and of all the other awful words she had said to him two weeks earlier.

- « House… » started the oncologist.

- « No Wilson. I don't wanna hear you talking about my feelings and everything. I don't need you to turn into a psychiatrist. There's nothing to talk about. It's over. You don't know what she said to me. I give up."

House felt his throat tighten on his last words. He had abandoned all hope when he had swallowed that first Vicodin pill. And the sensation of well-being and thoughtlessness which had invaded him had prevented him from thinking about the future, from thinking about the consequences. He had felt so good at the moment. His fall had been so smooth and painless that he never would have thought he would survive it. He had no idea about what he was going to do now. He was feeling even more hopeless now.

Fortunately, Wilson corrected him almost immediately.

- «You're wrong, I know perfectly well what she told you that day. I can't imagine how painful it was for you to hear that, but I can see that it was the straw that broke the camel's back. I realize all the efforts you've made but still, you had the impression that you failed and that's why you're on this bed. And I'm sorry that I haven't been there for you. But what I do know is that she's the one who found you lying on your bathroom floor. She was the one who called me, crying her heart out, and she was the one who was screaming when we got to your apartment because she thought she had lost you. I know that she was by your side every day since you fell into a coma and the only times she wasn't in this room, it was because someone ordered her to leave. And I know that she resents herself for what happened to you, not because she likes feeling guilty as you always say, but because she loves you and she can't help regretting arriving too late when she just came to tell you that she dumped Lucas."

Of all the endless speeches that Wilson had ever made, this one was one of the longest abd also the most interesting. House didn't answer directly, lost in his thoughts. For once, he didn't want to laugh or make fun of the situation. It had lasted for too long, and their games had hurt Cuddy and himself several times. He wanted this to be over. When he had come out of Mayfield, he had realized that he didn't want to lie anymore. He wanted to try to be happy. At the time, he had been too late, and in Trenton, he had thought that he had definitely lost her. But today was a brand new day. And even though he was exhausted, slowed down by all the medicines he had been given and had just woken up from a type III coma, he didn't want to wait anymore.

Slowly he sat up in his bed, stretched his numb muscles as he carefully tried to get up while Wilson was watching him, wondering, since his sermon, what effect its words were going to have on the diagnostician.

- « But… What the hell are you doing ? Go back to bed ! You can't… »

- « I'm going to see her. » he said in a firm tone. "Cuddy." he added, seeing Wilson's surprised look.

- « It can wait. She's not gonna disappear, and you need to rest! » stated the oncologist.

- « You don't know that. Plus, I've waited long enough. I have to see her now. »

The diagnostician was stubborn and his friend knew it.

- « Okay, so I'll tell her to come see you, so you don't have to move… »

The oncologist was trying to make a compromise.

- « No, I'll be fine. I don't want her to have time to think about it, or to avoid the conversation. But if you're so worried about me, you can help me get to her office."

Wilson nodded to show he agreed. It was surprising enough that his friend was letting him help and look after him. They walked through the corridors, ignoring the nurses' stunned looks. House was clinging to his IV, limping even more than usual. Wilson was on his side, not too close to him but still watching him to be sure that he wasn't going to collapse.

When they arrived in front of the dean's office, Wilson told him "I'll be in my office if you need me" and walked away.

So now, House was in front of the doors he had entered so many times in the past years, mostly with stupid ideas or about to ask for permission to perform insane procedures. Nevertheless, it was the first time that he was under the impression that what he was going to ask for was really crazy, almost suicidal. He knew the next minutes were probably going to be the most important of his life. He was finally understanding a sentence he had read one day : "Love is a beautiful disaster; even knowing that you're rushing towards a wall, you keep accelerating." He was about to blindly rush into that wall, but he needed it. And then again, it wasn't necessarily going to end badly, he thought with an unusual glimpse of hope. So, for the thousandth time, he went through the office doors with the usual noise.

- « House ! You should be in bed ! » exclaimed Cuddy, jumping as he entered.

- « I was bored, Mooom !" he said, making that childish pout that she knew only too well.

- « You need to rest ! You just woke up from a deep coma caused by an overdose ! » she stammered, afraid to be alone with him after what had happened.

- « Great idea, wasn't it ? And I haven't even been able to finish the job ! I hope this little dramatic turn of events hasn't delayed you super-wedding. » He mumbled.

- « You… Did you really tried to kill yourself ? » she muttered. Even if she knew that pain had caused him to act this way, it was hard to hear her fears being confirmed.

- « Don't be melodramatic ! » he said, moving his arm in an exaggerated gesture. Then he became serious again : "I don't know Cuddy. I was in pain, and I wanted it to stop."

She felt as if her heart stop for a second. "I was in pain." When he said that, she knew he wasn't talking about the pain in his leg. She knew he was talking about a deeper pain that she was partly responsible for.

- « I'm not gonna get married, » she said, without looking at him. She couldn't hold his gaze.

- « So did your Ken find a younger Barbie ? » he said in a mocking tone.

- « House ! »

She was at the edge of bursting into tears. He knew it. He could feel it. But he needed to push her, needed to see if she was as hurt as he was, needed to understand her. He wanted her to crack, to see if his words still had an effect on her. The words she had said to him in Trenton and the hard looks she had given him were still in his mind. But after talking to Wilson, he remembered something else: soft hands on his face when he was lying in his bathroom, a soothing voice which kept repeating his name, tears when the voice begged him to not close his eyes, the "I love you" that he seemed to hear when he passed out… He was lost.

One year before, she had been waiting for him. She had been ready to have a relationship with him in spite of all the risks. Then she had gotten tired of waiting and had tried to move on, and that had been the moment he'd chosen to be ready, but it had been too late. When one of them was taking a step forward, the other one was moving even farther back.

But today, and maybe for a short period, they were both ready. Even though they were lost and hurt, they had stopped denying it. So House made a decision.

He stepped closer to her and caressed her cheek with his fingertips. Cuddy shivered and closed her eyes when she felt House's hand coming down her body to settle on her hip in order to put her closer to him in a possessive movement. She didn't need to open her eyes to know that he was about to kiss her.

He touched her lips for a few seconds, before she crossed her hands behind his neck to put him closer and deepen the kiss. Out of breath, they reluctantly parted. He put his forehead against hers, looking at her.

- « I must be hallucinating… » he said with a soft smile.

She smiled to him in a reassuring way and snuggled up to him while he put his arm around her, offering her the embrace they both needed.

- "Well, maybe not" he said, moving back and cringing. "I swear that if this was in my head, you would be completely naked, Dr. Cuddy!" he said, watching her, his eyes shining with a lustful light. "And I wouldn't have such a strong headache" he added, seeing that in spite of her smile, he couldn't fool her about the reasons of his sudden estrangement.

- « I'm so sorry. » she said with tearful eyes.

- « Cuddy… » he said, almost begging her. He didn't really want to linger over tearful speeches.

- « Please, let me talk. You need to know how much I hate myself for having hurt you. How much I hate myself for having thought that I could forget you that easily. I told you all this awful crap because I realized that, no matter what I did, I couldn't help loving you." Her voice broke off on the last words. She looked at him, dreading his reaction.

- « You're done now ? Look, Cuddy, we've already wasted 20 years, we're not gonna waste 20 more to talk about the past. » He said, sincere but trying to evade the excess of romantic feelings which seemed to be spreading in the room.

He knew that if she kept going, he was eventually going to declare his feeling in a romantic and stupid way, losing his credibility for the next fifty years. He'd rather show her than tell her, he decided. He would know how to show her creatively so that she would know how much he loved her.

- « Okay, let's go back to your room ! » said Cuddy, ready to bring him back to his room.

- « I'm a big boy now, I can go there on my own, you know ! Unless you want to come with me so we can have sex in my room. In that case, you're very welcome." He answered with a kinky smile.

- « Keep dreaming House ! » she said, trying to hide a smile. "I've got some paperwork to finish, I'll join you later and we'll see if I can discharge you."

- « So now what ? » he asked, worried.

They hadn't talked about their future yet, and he wanted to be sure that she wasn't going to change her mind.

- « We'll try to be happy. » she said, sealing her promise with a kiss.

**The End.**

**

* * *

**

See you soon for a new translation =D


End file.
